I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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