Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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