Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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