woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
