i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
do nipples grow back?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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