I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm passing your future prison.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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