Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
