Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
