Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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