he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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