I puked a lego.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
