i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
