I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
