Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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