mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have post one night stand depression
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
