You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think your dad took our porno
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
