He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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