I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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