remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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