Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
