please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
