legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
