i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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