Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
