Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
