Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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