Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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