i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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