Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
