you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
