That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
