drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
