i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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