I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
