Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you traded sex for a burrito?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize