Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
