My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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