so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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