She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
