On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
