you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
