His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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