Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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