Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
