yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
