He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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