Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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