when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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