So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize