I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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