big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
