I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
