fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
