I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
