Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
