I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
