I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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