I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
