If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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