Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
