So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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