someone threw a dead crab at me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize