And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
