Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
